Look. I get it. Sometimes I am a little hard to swallow. Sometimes, me living my life all “out there” for people to see on the Internet is a little much for you. Sometimes, my very unfiltered opinions and posts can be too much for you to digest, and you find yourself feeling annoyed at my social media sites. And I get it…. cuz I do it, too.
So the logical thing for you to do is to “unfollow” me, right? Right. But in the back of your mind, you’re afraid I’m going to be upset at you, or talk about you behind your back, or even post some shit about you on the Internet for everyone to see. Rest assured… none of those things will happen. I could care less about whether or not you follow me on social media anymore.
Wanna know a secret? I probably “unfollowed” your Facebook feed a while ago, “unfollowed” you on Instagram, and “muted” you on Twitter. So if you’re wondering why my responses have been limited to your “OMG HERE IS MY PERFECT LIFE ALL THE TIME ALL DAY EVERY SINGLE DAY” posts? That’s why. If you wonder why I don’t respond to the picture you posted from your “amazing weekend getaway” with your “better half and wonderfully awesomely perfect child/children” that’s why. If you’re wondering why I didn’t retweet that thing about human rights that you posted a few days ago? it’s probably because I muted you on Twitter.
But see, there’s this new thing that I’ve been doing lately. It’s call “Unfriending,” “Unfollowing,” “Un-subscribing.” If you’re wondering why I am no longer appearing on YOUR feed, why you can’t see those unfiltered, unapologetic, real posts of mine that make you wanna smack me (or call and yell at me or my husband), it’s because I probably unfriended you, and then blocked you, and probably blocked everyone we ever could have possibly had in common on said social media sites. And let me tell you why:
The older I get, the more I realize just how fragile I am.
The older I get, the more I understand who *I* am, and the type of people I want around me and mine.
The older I get, the less of a filter I have, and the less I care about your fake, perfect life.
And the older I get, the more I protect myself from people who chose NOT to get to know me.
There’s a wall surrounding me and my little family as of late. And the people that are on the inside, the ones who actually take the time to get to REALLY know us, don’t ever have to worry about that wall coming between us and them. But the older I get, the more protective I am of my little family, and my little space on the internet (save for my blog, cuz… well, hi. MY blog, I always have posted whatever I want.). So, if you’re wondering where I am…. and haven’t seen me around… there’s probably a reason for that.
Someone said to me the other day that I look more relaxed than they have seen me in a LONG time (and they’ve known me for MANY years). And I said “you know what? I took out some trash, and now I feel better than I’ve felt in a long, long time. I don’t have to worry about getting into trouble anymore.”
I posted a picture recently about how I appreciate the people who know me because I don’t have to worry about what I say around them. And that couldn’t be more true for me. I am brash, I have no filter, I tell it like it is. It’s not because I don’t care about your feelings, it’s actually quite the opposite. I appreciate when people tell me what they’re thinking so I don’t have to guess, and I assume that people feel the same way… so I tell people exactly what I’m thinking. Sometimes it does backfire, and I have been known to apologize for sounding like too big of an asshole. I am choosing to minimize the drama that comes with having no filter.
I realize that makes me unpopular with those who pick and choose who they are honest with.
I realize that make me unpopular with people I care a great deal about, and have for a very long time.
It’s not that I don’t care.
It’s that I, for my own sanity and health, have to let them go.
It’s hard. But dammit if hitting that block button doesn’t feel amazing sometimes.