Today has just been weird.
It’s getting closer to our trip. Back home, where my heart has been since Popeye passed. Where my head has been for a while now. Where I long to be, but am anxious to go.
I have so many mixed emotions right now. Like, I think I’m okay…. and then I start bawling uncontrollably. Or yelling at someone. Or wanting to throat punch every single person I see.
Today I went to go take care of some things for our trip. Pick up some groceries to get us through the week, some snacks for the ride, and a pedicure for myself because my feet are ew.
My mom called while I was out, and said some things that really hit home for me today (and the last week or so). We are all anxious to get there and say our goodbye. Popeye’s memorial was delayed so those of us who lived far away could come back. Which is awesome, and hard, at the same time. It’s hard to move on when you haven’t done that part yet.
I keep thinking he’s gonna call and ask for my address for the 1000th time.
I keep thinking he’s gonna be hollering at Gma in the background if I call.
I keep thinking he’s gonna ask me about the weather.
He’s not. And I’m having a REALLY hard time with that lately.
I’m getting anxious about our trip. Normally I would be getting really excited, and full of energy 6 days before we leave. Today? Today I’m going back to bed at 2:45 because I am struggling.
I can’t wait to have my head back. It’s like I’m torn between two places, and it’s so hard right now. And I’m tired of pretending like it’s not.