Today is a hard day.
I have this picture, from when you guys came to see us and we had that pig roast for Barb and Joe’s wedding, and it sits on a shelf right by the front door. Every single time I leave the house, even if it’s just to go out and water the plants, I talk to you. I tell you what I’m doing. Like you’re here.
Oliver asked me the other day if I missed you. It caught me off guard and I started to cry. I didn’t know what to say, because I carry you around with me, so some days I miss you less than others. But today? Today I miss you a lot.
I wrote some thank you notes. To the staff at the hospital where you were. They were all so wonderful and knowledgeable. And I made friends with one of the nurses. I wanted them to know how much we appreciated everything they did for you. Such a thankless job, being a nurse. Especially when things don’t go the way you want them to. But man, they did everything they could.
I wrote one to Dr Chung, too. Because he gave us more time with you. And there’s nothing that is better than that. For my own selfish reasons, I wish it could have been more.
I talked to grandma the other day. She sounds okay. I miss her a lot, and I wish that I could be closer so we could go have lunch once a week or something. But I know that the family that is closer are taking care of her. And I promise I will call her once a week, just like I always do.
I feel so silly, writing to you on my computer. My own personal beliefs make it seem so weird that I’m talking to you in first person, like you’re going to read this some day. Ouch, that sentence hurt. I’m struggling, Popeye. I keep trying to hold it together, especially while the kids are awake, but ugh… I’m having a really rough time. My friends have been amazing through this whole thing. And Daryl… well, we all know how awesome he is. He’s been really strong, and supportive, and has kinda let me fly off the handle… but not too far. He’s been working hard, and keeping up on things when I’m not able to.
I miss you. A lot. And I’m glad that picture is there, to remind me to talk to you. Even if I don’t think you can hear me. Because it helps. It gets me through the days, most days. Today, today I’m going to snuggle my kids a little tighter, kiss my husband a little longer, and probably call grandma. I love you, Popeye.