I meant to write this post a while ago… but life being what it is, and distractions being what they are… well, I didn’t.
But then something happened, I don’t even really remember what, and I started thinking about it again. And all the anger and the feelings came back, and I wanted to get it all out so I can let it go.
I wanna talk about the Mommy Wars.
You know the ones. The things that you see on other peoples’ Facebook pages. You know, one person posts about how crappy of a day they’re having at home with their kid(s), and someone has to “one up” them.
“Add two more kids and know you know how I feel.”
“Pfffft, at least you get to be home with your kids. I had the WORST day at work today, only to come home and deal with that, plus making dinner, and all the chores still needed to be done.”
“Imagine having to do all that by yourself. As a single mom, I get no break at all…. ever.”
“My cat has been all up in my face today, I obviously have it WAY worse off than you.
Okay, that last one may have been me poking fun at the one-uppers…. but you get the idea. Here’s the other thing I hate about Moms on the Internet (and in real life).
“You should bring your little one to such and such. There will be LOTS of little kids there, it will be fun.”
“I volunteer in my son’s class three times a week, I take the littlest one, the teacher doesn’t mind.”
“We are NEVER home during the day. We do this, and this, and this, and this…. and then we pick up siblings, and go to this sport, and this sport, and then I go home and make dinner, and everyone goes to bed on time, and then my husband and I have crazy sex all night long and I wake up looking like a MILLION BUCKS.”
Yeah… that last one actually happens.
Here’s the thing. Parenting? Is hard. It doesn’t matter if you have one human kid, or seven, or even just a furry child. Being responsible for someone else’s life/upbringing/manners/eating habits/etc. is important. It’s hard, it’s exhausting, and it DOES NOT MATTER HOW MANY KIDS YOU HAVE. Nor does it matter how much “stuff” you do with them.
YOU ARE NOT PERFECT. Stop. Just STOP.
You’re not. And the more you post about all these things that you do with your kids, and all the pictures of your kids smiling away, and all the fricking date nights you and your hubby go on “kid-free,” I’m still not gonna buy it. So why do you find it necessary to tear other moms down.
So you’ve figured out how to take your terrible toddler (who, by the way, the teacher DOES mind you bringing into the classroom, it’s a distraction) into your son or daughter’s class three times a week? Good for you.
You’ve figure out how to keep your kids so busy that they don’t have time to breathe? Or play with their neighborhood friends after school? Or to even just hang out with YOU? Awesome. If that works for your family, good for you.
Here’s what works for me…. I’m going to support my fellow moms. You’re having a shitty day with your only child because they’re being an asshole? That sucks. I’m so sorry. What can I do to help you? Oh, you just needed to vent? Cool. I’m here.
You’re having a crappy day at work and you’re missing your kids, and you’re questioning your choice to go back to work because you feel like you SHOULD be at home doing all those things? I’m here for you. We can talk it out.
You’ve got seven kids, they’re all in school, and you’re stressing about your house needing to be cleaned? Well, if you don’t mind my toddler following us around and undoing everything we do… I’ll be right over.
We have GOT to stop tearing each other down. We ALL question ourselves in our parenting choices enough as it is… and if you don’t… well, you probably have seven kids and have nailed out some shit by now. But those of us who wonder all the time if we are doing everything right? We need to be supportive. We need to be here for each other to talk to. We need to babysit for the others when a much needed date night (or even an hour of alone time to go to the store) comes up.
You’re not a better parent because you have more kids.
You’re not a better parent because your kid doesn’t run away from you every time they’re free.
You’re not a better parent because your kid does 17 sports all year long.
You’re not a worse parent because you aren’t any of those things above.
We are all parents. We are all different in our parenting styles, our family make up, our decisions. Let’s be supportive of one another when we decide to share shit on Facebook because the only people around are under 5 and want to use us as a jungle gym for the day.