See that pretty flower up there? I am that flower. It looks so appealing from a distance; beautiful, perfect, welcoming. But as you get closer, you see the flaws. The cracks in the petals, the bites out of the leaves from the bugs that hang around all season long. And if you try to get too close, you’ll get pricked by the thorns that are sometimes too small to see.
But it’s possible. It’s possible to get close to that flower. It takes patience, time, and sometimes a very careful approach.
Like that flower, I’m protected. And sometimes, I go MONTHS where I protect myself with thorns. Months. Months where I don’t WANT to get together, I don’t WANT to leave my house, I don’t WANT to call you on the phone, or text you every 5 minutes. I let my roots get dry, and my petals crack, and a wilt a little. Usually it’s the stress of life, or kids, or marriage… sometimes it’s the stresses I put on myself. And sometimes? It’s the stress of feeling obligated to be welcoming, warm, not so…. thorny. But like the winter months, it passes. And I once again thirst for the things that keep me pretty. My friends. My family away from family. You guys are what help keep me beautiful, and strong, and grounded.
I know I haven’t been the best of friends as of late. I’ve been busy, and trying to cope with life, and having a hard time going places with you and hanging out. Or inviting you over for dinner, or just to hang. Or calling, texting, messaging. Those who know me well know that sometimes this just happens. And I get over it. And once again I’m needy and texting all the time and bugging the shit out of you. See, like that flower, I know I need to be watered by the people that love me and support me in order to stay beautiful. And I love you all, and am trying to reach my roots out to say hello. Baby steps. Think of me as a bud on a rose bush, just hangin out waiting for Spring.
Love you all. See you soon. Hang in there, I’ll be back to my pretty, flawed self in no time. ❤