I’m in a losing battle. I feel like I can’t win. I’m so, so scared.
It’s been a very, very complicated couple of months. So complicated in fact that I don’t even know where to start. All I know is that I’m drowning, an I don’t know how to save myself.
The funny thing is, I’m not even the one who is the confused one. I know where I am supposed to be. I know what, and who, I want. I know what my life is supposed to be like right now. I don’t have everything all figured out, but dammit if I don’t have a good understanding of what’s going on around me.
Watching him go through all of this is so scary. I never know if he will come home from work each night. I never know if I should check the cell phone bill to see if there IS something going on when he swears there isn’t. I never know if today will be the last day I see him, ever. He’s in such a dark, dark place right now. And I’m drowning in his darkness. I cannot pull either of us out.
And I need to.
I’m not the only one that needs him.
I’m so scared. And so tired.
All I see is darkness…