My Hearth and Heart

Because my heart is always at home


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I’m sitting around waiting for KMart to send me an email letting me know that my stuff is ready to pick up. It’s amazing, technology.


I spent the better part of the morning wandering around grocery stores, alone. It was nice, actually. I have had a pretty emotional week, and I think it’s just a combination of lack of alone time, lack of exercise (8 days and counting down until my next race, and I haven’t been running since early last week…. oops), and just being tired in general. I can’t sleep. I haven’t slept in months actually. D thinks it’s the kitty’s fault, but I’m not so sure. I just kinda toss and turn until about 1 am, then after I DO finally fall asleep, I don’t sleep well. I wake up in the morning exhausted, and even though I’m super tired sometimes in the afternoon, I just can’t seem to take a little snooze. It may be all the sugar I’m back to eating.


Jam. Blackberry Jam to be exact. That’s probably what I’m going to do on Monday. Make loads of blackberry jam. Cuz I need room in my freezer for all the corn that D wants to have for the winter, that we’re going to pick in a little while. I like picking corn, I had never really done it until this year. All those years spent out in the midwest, you’d think I would have a little experience doing things like that. Not so much, actually. We have big ol’ machines that do that for us, we’re fancy like that.


Tomorrow my peeps are coming down from Up North. I’m excited, I haven’t seen them for a while, and I miss them terribly. I really need to get that taken care of. Cuz it sure would be nice to go back to the aquarium in this lifetime. So my son can see a whale up close and personal like… memories. That was amazing.


Gma is going on and on over in her chair about something in the paper. She cracks me up.


I was thinking the other day about what it will be like to get old. It makes me hyper aware of how my family is aging around me. A death in the family (married into or not… still family) will do that to you. My step mom’s uncle passed away this week. He was 100. I wasn’t SUPER close with them, but I was definitely very fond of him (and his wife). I found a cookbook yesterday with an Abelskievers recipe in it. So I bought it. Reminded me of Pete. We’re going to start a new tradition in our house, Abelskievers and candy hunts on Easter. Now I just gotta find a pan.


Anyway, thinking about getting old. I don’t want to. And I don’t want my family to either. I just want to freeze time so that my kiddo can get to know everyone as he grows up. I was SO lucky to know all these wonderful older people in my lifetime. They were amazing to talk to, and I’ve lost so many of them. It makes me really sad. I don’t want him to have to go through that.


Death is not something I take well at all.


It’s probably why I feel so out of sorts.


And people that I love are getting older by the day. Sometimes, I call them, and they don’t recognize my voice. Not because I don’t keep in touch, but because they’re just getting…. older.


It worries me. And makes me sad. And tears me in half because it’s not only happening there, but it’s happening here, too. I need to have my little family (me, hubby, kiddo) in two places at once so everyone can spend quality time with everyone. It’s a lot.


Run. I need to run.


Tomorrow morning, that’s priority number one.


Pounding the pavement makes me feel better about life.


Author: Meghann

Stay at home mommy, wife, daughter, sister and friend. This is my place to brag about my kids, my husband, my family, my friends... and to get a little opinionated.

One thought on “Scattered

  1. Blackberry jam is my favorite. Feel free to send some my way.

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